“You there, what’s your name?” asked the blond haired tutor, affectionately known as the ‘bimbo’ among med students.
“What can you tell me about the anatomy of the biliary tree?”
I froze. I honestly knew nothing.
“Well I’m waiting...”
I mumbled on about the gallbladder and bile. I really wasn’t sure
“Okay you’re at least you’re NOT a total idiot. So what produces bile young man?”
“Errr, the pancreas?” I answered.
My partner groaned. I knew I was in trouble.
She got up to explain the whole anatomy of the biliary tree.
“I’m gonna ask yous again next week. If anyone of yous do NOT know the answer, I’m gonna ask yous to leave my tutorial, is that alright?”
Welcome to Medicine II
Cervix Wars
“A D&C, or dilatation and curettage is a diagnostic test, where a dilator is inserted up the vagina to ensure the walls are patent. Then a currete is used to obtain samples from the endometrial wall which are then processed in the lab to obtain a histological diagnosis,” explained Aisling, the enthusiastic gynae intern.
“If you’re lucky you might be able to see one in theatre today”
I was one of the “lucky” ones...
...................
The women was quite obese. She laid in the lithotomy position. It wasn’t a pleasant sight
They inserted a metal rod right into her vagina, which I assumed functioned as the dilator. I cringed. It looked painful.
Suddenly, she started moving.
“ The patient is waking up!” cried the scrub nurse. Everyone froze for a second.
The anaesthetist was furiously turning knobs and injecting more white stuff. He was in trouble.
The patient started excreting urine and faeces. She was writhing in pain.
THE ROD WAS STILL IN HER!
Thank god for the surgical mask. My mouth was wide open. I was terrified.
The consultant anaesthetist came over to assist. It was all over in 10 minutes.
I glanced at the anaesthetist. It was Tom...
Stoma-phile
In medicine, a stoma (Greek - pl. stomata) is an opening (a direct translation of the Koine Greek would be "mouth"), either natural or surgically created (artificial), which connects a portion of the body cavity to the outside environment.
One well-known form of an artificial stoma is a colostomy, which is a surgically-created opening in the large intestine that allows the removal of feces out of the body, bypassing the rectum, to drain into a pouch or other collection device.
Wikipedia
Case of the week
A middle aged female, presented for stoma bag replacement due to contamination of its contents. When asked further about the reasons why her bag would be contaminated she finally gave an honest reply,
“My husband ejaculated in my stoma”
Sick!
No comments:
Post a Comment