Bottoms Up

“Hi, my name is *****, I’m a medical student and today is my final exam....” as I shook his hand, praying for the life of me that he didn’t suffer from one of them rare and complicated syndromes.

And so it began.

I had 40 minutes to figure out what he had, before being grilled by a couple of consultants. The curtains were drawn....

40 minutes later...

“Mr JN is a 62 year old gentleman from Dublin, presenting with a painful and swollen left elbow on a background of Rheumatoid Arthritis for the past two years...”

“Go on,” said Dermott, my examiner for the day.

40 minutes ago...

“Do you have any allergies?”

“I have a rash on my elbows after taking Humira,” replied JN

Things were going smoothly.

“I also have a rash near my bottom,” he continued.

“Your bottom?”

Within a “flash” (literally), he pulled his pants down.

So there I was, sitting in a chair, with a naked man’s buttocks held up to my face.

“Can you see it doctor?” he said, peering in between his legs.

As if the day couldn’t get any better...

Exams and all that jazz

No one enjoys exams. Period.

At this point in time, all I can think of is home.

Homesickness is exacerbated by exams.

Sounds like one of them lines from the untouched clinical textbook just lying on my desk, almost teasing me to pick it up.

.....................................................................

“I just want to pass, that’s all that matters,”

I don’t even need a reference for that quote. All of yous have said it before. Especially medics.

In truth, a pass is never enough. It’s a consolation, yes. But deep down inside all of us high-achievers can’t stand to see anything but an ‘A+’ on our result sheet. Sad, but true.

However, admitting that you want an ‘A’ could potentially ostracise you from your friends. Or even blow up in your face when you fail to get it. Therefore most of us settle for “..as long as it’s a pass”.

And this isn’t a shoutout asking any of you to stop pretending. In fact, I do it, and will continue doing it. It’s much more comforting when you have low expectations. You just can never get disappointed.

Aim for the stars. If you miss, the fall will hurt like hell.

While it’s nice to dream about getting a perfect report card, it sucks to wake up and realize that you chose medicine as a career.

So, a pass will do...