I looked over the new time sheet that was given out.
Gastroenterology Rotation
Reg : Dr JLC
SHO : DR CG
I went up to meet the team. My partner, blondie (her car sticker reads : Danger-Blond driver) was absent.
McDreamy...
“He’s gorgeous,”
“Such a peach,”
"Love the hair,"
It’s unfortunate that in real life, not all doctors look as hot as the ones in Grey's Anatomy or even House. He was the exception. He was in fact of movie star quality. And they(the girls) do love him up in the wards.
With my manhood being challenged by such a good-looking SHO, I was determined to see what the deal with the guy was. To my inherent surprise, I do actually like him. He is a very pleasant and charming young fellow, who isn’t at all snobbish or stuck up. In fact, he goes out of his way to teach us baby-doctors everything he knows. Thumbs up to my very own version of Dr Mcdreamy.
Small freaking world
On to the Registrar, who was Chinese by the looks of it.
“Where are you from?” he asked. His pronunciation was pristine.
“Muh layh shia” I answered in the most legible way possible. Malaysia isn’t the most well known country amongst the Irish.
“Ah, me too. Whereabouts in Malaysia,” he answered to my surprise.
This was going well.
“Err, somewhere near KL, have you heard of Subang Jaya?” again trying not to be overly specific.
“Really? I’m from Subang as well. I used to go to Seafield. I assume you’re from SMSJ or SMSU?"
“SMSJ,” I answered, trying to contain my excitement.
“We’ll get on very well then,” Dr JLC smiled.
Small world it is.
Up yours!
The Gastro team does weekly endoscopies involving the GI tract. Patients are usually sent for either a colonoscopy or a gastroscopy to check for any underlying pathology that might’ve caused their symptoms.
A colonoscopy involves sticking a camera up the patient’s ass anus all the way into up the large bowels leading to the caecum. Suffice to say, it isn’t a pleasant procedure for the patient.
The room where they perform the procedure is pretty small. There’d basically be a consultant, the registrar, one or two nurses, and a maximum of two students. Anything more than that would make it very difficult to manoeuvre.
I’ve recently altered my eating habits to a healthier diet (I’ll explain more as we go along). I’ve also developed a liking for ‘prawn salad’ that costs only 2 quid in the Tesco opposite the hospital. The increased amounts of fruit and vegetables have caused, for the time being, hyper-flatulence. To put it simply, I’ve been farting a whole lot.
It had to happen in the endoscopy room. Of all the small, cramped, poorly ventilated places....
I felt the bowels move and immediately knew what was coming. I couldn’t get out as I was stuck in the corner beside the patient. I looked around. The window was closed.
It felt warm as I clenched my ‘cheeks’ to prevent it from being released. My brain was racing, trying to devise a way out of the mess I was in.
Then it hit me.
“The anal patency is reduced when the patient is in a sedated state,” explained the consultant.
Perfect.
As they inserted the camera up the patient’s anus, I knew that this was the moment.
It did smell like prawns.
Not even a bat of the eyelid. Everyone was too polite and assumed it came from the patient.
“The anal patency is reduced when the patient in a sedated state”
I had picked the perfect moment. Good save, huh?
Moral of the story:
Smile, and the world smiles with you.
Fart, and you’ll be the only one smiling.
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