Hell-o

"I do not hear any ambulance sirens in the background. Nor do I hear any beeps from a pulse oximeter. So Mr Walker, I presume you are not in the Emergency Room therefore you have no excuse for being late," bellowed O' Herlihy through the phone.

Welcome to Obs and Gynae, also known as the scariest and most stressful rotation in med school.

At the forefront of it all, Prof O 'Hell'-ihy is notorious for literally torturing and abusing students for his amusement.

Thankfully, I was sent away to the Coombe hospital for the first two weeks of OnG, delaying the imminent confrontation of the man who insists people call him, “The Prof”.

The Prof often walks the corridor in Holles Street Maternity Hospital, affectionately known as Horror Street Hospital among its students.

Attendance is absolutely compulsory and tardiness is only excusable if one is faced with a life threatening situation.

The Prof has been known to call the parents of an absent student, citing that they should consider filing a missing person report to the guards. He doesn’t care if the parents live as far away as Malaysia or Canada.

So mom, if you get a call from a bitter sounding old man with an Irish accent, tell him to shove it.

On to the Coombe Maternity Hospital, away from this madness!

Anak Dol

The Coombe is situated in a pretty dodgy area in Dublin. The Dolphin Barn’s as it’s known, is often littered with social misdeeds such as drugs and stabbings. Haha.

People who live in this area are often referred to as a dole, ie one who receives unemployment benefits. Orang melayu panggil depa anak dol.

Their pastimes include abusing Asians such as myself as well as smoking weed. I do make it a point to walk with a Caucasian other just to be on the safe side.

The Master

I was browsing through the schedule when I saw that I was pencilled in to scrub in with...THE MASTER

I double checked my partner's list. Hers said the same.

Undoubtedly, I was super curious to find out who this 'Master' chap was. It wasn’t as if his name was Dr Master, people simply referred to him as The Master.

I made my way to the operating theatre to introduce myself to the team.

"Hi, I'm one the medical students, I'm in theatre with..(pause) the master.." (surpressing a smirk)

The nurse didnt even flinch.

"The master is in theatre 1,"

I scanned her face. No hint of sarcasm or surprise.

The master. How cool would it be to have people calling you that.

I flipped through the patient's chart. She was due to have a c-section.

And then the doctor's signature below the notes simply said, The Master.

The operating list also read, The Master.

Who the heck was this Master dude?

It was almost cult-like in the way people seemed to refer to the Master with no apparent apprehension.

Then I saw him. He was an old dude, wearing a mask (surgical, not hooded thankfully) and seemingly oblivious to my presence. The nurse manager introduced me as the medical student.

“Right then, we’re gonna do a C-section today,” he said to me.

More on the C-section later.

Anti-climax

As for the Master, it’s simply means that the guy is the head of the hospital. Sigh, such pathetic explanation to what could've been something ultra freaky.