Hell-o

"I do not hear any ambulance sirens in the background. Nor do I hear any beeps from a pulse oximeter. So Mr Walker, I presume you are not in the Emergency Room therefore you have no excuse for being late," bellowed O' Herlihy through the phone.

Welcome to Obs and Gynae, also known as the scariest and most stressful rotation in med school.

At the forefront of it all, Prof O 'Hell'-ihy is notorious for literally torturing and abusing students for his amusement.

Thankfully, I was sent away to the Coombe hospital for the first two weeks of OnG, delaying the imminent confrontation of the man who insists people call him, “The Prof”.

The Prof often walks the corridor in Holles Street Maternity Hospital, affectionately known as Horror Street Hospital among its students.

Attendance is absolutely compulsory and tardiness is only excusable if one is faced with a life threatening situation.

The Prof has been known to call the parents of an absent student, citing that they should consider filing a missing person report to the guards. He doesn’t care if the parents live as far away as Malaysia or Canada.

So mom, if you get a call from a bitter sounding old man with an Irish accent, tell him to shove it.

On to the Coombe Maternity Hospital, away from this madness!

Anak Dol

The Coombe is situated in a pretty dodgy area in Dublin. The Dolphin Barn’s as it’s known, is often littered with social misdeeds such as drugs and stabbings. Haha.

People who live in this area are often referred to as a dole, ie one who receives unemployment benefits. Orang melayu panggil depa anak dol.

Their pastimes include abusing Asians such as myself as well as smoking weed. I do make it a point to walk with a Caucasian other just to be on the safe side.

The Master

I was browsing through the schedule when I saw that I was pencilled in to scrub in with...THE MASTER

I double checked my partner's list. Hers said the same.

Undoubtedly, I was super curious to find out who this 'Master' chap was. It wasn’t as if his name was Dr Master, people simply referred to him as The Master.

I made my way to the operating theatre to introduce myself to the team.

"Hi, I'm one the medical students, I'm in theatre with..(pause) the master.." (surpressing a smirk)

The nurse didnt even flinch.

"The master is in theatre 1,"

I scanned her face. No hint of sarcasm or surprise.

The master. How cool would it be to have people calling you that.

I flipped through the patient's chart. She was due to have a c-section.

And then the doctor's signature below the notes simply said, The Master.

The operating list also read, The Master.

Who the heck was this Master dude?

It was almost cult-like in the way people seemed to refer to the Master with no apparent apprehension.

Then I saw him. He was an old dude, wearing a mask (surgical, not hooded thankfully) and seemingly oblivious to my presence. The nurse manager introduced me as the medical student.

“Right then, we’re gonna do a C-section today,” he said to me.

More on the C-section later.

Anti-climax

As for the Master, it’s simply means that the guy is the head of the hospital. Sigh, such pathetic explanation to what could've been something ultra freaky.

OnG History Taking

Questions I don’t feel comfortable asking yet find myself forced to in certain circumstances. Again, it’s extremely hard to keep a straight face while asking these questions

Awkward Scene 1

Me : Is it painful during coitus?

Patient : Coitus?

Me : Err, sexual intercourse?

Patient : Ah, you mean in the sack you mean...

Awkward Scene 2

Me : What are your future plans for contraception?

Patient : Oh, I plan to lock the door at night

Me : Uh, ok (trying to not to laugh as it isn’t professional)

Scene 3

Me : Who do we have here?

Mom : This is taylor

Me : And how is he doing today?

Mom : SHE is doing fine, thank you.

More awkward questions...

Do you take any recreational drugs (to a 70 year old lady)?

Is he the father of your other children as well? (PET screening)

Are you sexually active?

How many partners have you had in the past year?

Have you recently engaged in any risky sexual activity?

Do your breasts feel engorged?

And my all time favourite,

Tell me about your period....

My seat

When I study in the library it's important that I get 'my seat'. My buttprint has been on the same seat for the past 3 years. These are a few reasons why I really can't live without 'my seat'

1. It's beside a window with a nice view of the UCD pitch

2. It’s right beside a heater for those cold winter nights

3. There’s a wireless router nearby for uninterrupted (and fast) internet surfing, obviously for educational purposes

4. It’s situated right in front of a wall preventing prying eyes.

5. There’s a security camera in the corridor so I can leave my stuff without worry

Things I don't want people to see me do (hence the wall)

1. Facebook

2. Studying woman parts, again for educational purposes

3. Looking at children's pictures, paediatric studies

4. Anal surgery, enough said

5. Testicles

Admittedly, on the odd occasion I do get a stare or two while studying a full screen picture of a 2 year old's undescended testicles, so I always make it a point to put a huge medical text book on the table to allay any form of suspicion.

Finally, more paediatrics!

The following are a few excerpts taken from my iPhone, written in the past 6-7 weeks. A packed schedule meant that I didn’t really have the time to actually sit down and write on my laptop. Pardon the spelling and grammar, as microsoft word wasn't there to guise my decreasing leengueestick abilities. Enjoy.

The new partner

A new rotation also meant that I was assigned a new partner. Admittedly she was very enthusiastic and upbeat about seeing babies, up to the point it was almost an obsession.

Each day classes would start at 9.30am. We often ended up arriving at 8 to see patients in advance!

I wasn’t overly surprised to be dealing with a typical Type A Med Student personality. However, it became increasingly clear that I was holding her back with my lackadaisical attitude toward ward duties.

I was also taken aback with her OCD-ish obsession with washing hands. Not only did she make sure that she thoroughly washed her hands every other 10 minutes, she made sure I did too!

Palliative Care

Palliation and paediatrics are two words that simply do not belong together. Baby Nathan is 6 months and was diagnosed with a complex lysosomal disorder. He probably won’t survive past two years.

It hit me there and then when the palliative care team were contacted to make sure that the ‘end of life care’ pathway protocol was initiated. The fact that the little guy was oblivious to it all made it even worse.

As a general rule, babies do not belong in the hospital. They belong in their parents’ arms happily feeding away.

Professor Gill wisely compared babies to little animals. They are (initially) simple beings with simple needs. They cry for only a limited amount of reasons; hunger, pain and poo.

Communication

Explaining a disease with the aid of Mr Snuffles the bear really challenges one's ability to convey a simplified explanation of a complicated surgery. Yes, a child deserves to know everything about the treatment even though he is too young to consent to it.

Establishing trust is also a whole of a different matter. One cannot expect to earn the trust of a child by simply dressing up and looking like a doctor. It often involves sinking down to the child's level, interacting in his language and engaging his interest by playing with him (and his toys)

“Becca, what happened to you?” I asked, even though I knew she had swallowed a coin.

Becca remained silent. She hugged her Elmo even tighter, signalling that she didn’t want to be disturbed

I tried something else

“Hi Elmo! I’m a doctor here to make Becca better. Can you tell me why she is so sad?”

Becca started to pay attention

I continued making conversation with Elmo.

It worked.

Becca admitted that she swallowed a copper coin, much to her Dad’s relief. Anything bigger than that and she might’ve required more invasive tests and monitoring.

We sent her home.

Elmo saved the day. (see how modest I am?)

Paediatric reflection

After 6 weeks of almost being in another world of medicine, my paediatric rotation ended.

The whole rotation served to affirm my attraction towards the ‘happier’ side of medicine. Ward rounds involved messing around with toys, when in truth its really part of a disguised neurological exam, gauging the child’s response and movements. All in all it was a great experience, and thankfully doesn’t end up in the ever growing list of rotations I will never even consider pursuing in the future.

VIVA VOCE

I’m writing this as I wait in the office for my turn. Yup, it's exam day. And to good effect the enormous workload has rendered me emotionless...

20 minutes later...

"So hereditary pancreatitis is associated with a mutation in the SPINK and PRSS1 gene. The patient is more likely to develop chronic pancreatitis at an early age. He would also require close follow up with a yearly MRI to detect pancreatic cancer as there is an increased risk associated with HP."

Anne looked impressed. Then she said, "That was impressive..."

And, for the encore performance, I had the "carrot trick" (click for explanation) up my sleeves.

"I saw a baby with a tracheostomy because she had, errr, errr..( pause for good effect) P-p-pierre Robin syndrome" I said while scrunching my eyebrows (note the purposeful stammer)

They took the bait.

"So tell me, what's Pierre Robin syndrome?"

I tried to hide my excitement.

"Pierre Robin syndrome is..."

In other words, I knocked it outta the ballpark...alhamdulillah

On to the next rotation, Obstetric and gynaecology. The worst rotation in Medical School. More on that in the next post.

Cheerio

Pigging Out

This probably explains the steady weight gain in the past few months